Donkey Skin movie review- Disney found dead in a ditch

I wonder how people made do before Jacques Demy invented colour. 

Director: Jacques Demy 

Writer: Jacques Demy, Charles Perrault 

Cinematographer: Ghislain Cloquet 

Cast: Catherine Deneuve, Jacques Perrin, Jean Marias, Delphine Seyrig 

Year: 1970

Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away, a widowed king (the fabulous Jean Marais) announces that he will marry his daughter, the princess (the stunning Catherine Deneuve), as she is the only woman who matches the beauty of his former queen. To postpone the incestuous union, the princess -with the advice of her magical fairy godmother (the amazing Delphine Seyrig)- asks for three dresses to be made. One of the weather, one of the moon and one of the sun. Once he grants her these wishes, she then asks that he skin his donkey that excretes jewels for her to wear. Which he does. Soon the princess disguises herself with the donkey's skin and escapes to a neighbouring kingdom. There she encounters the handsome prince (the incredible Jacques Perrin) who falls madly in love with her. 

You know a few years ago the met gala chose Camp as the theme and barely anyone knew what it meant, I wish Anna Wintour sat all of her guests down and made them watch Donkey Skin. There is seriously nothing camper than having a movie feature songs about incest and marrying your father, horses dyed blue and red, women vomiting frogs, a donkey that shits jewels, a three-minute baking tutorial, astral projection, a ball that looks more like a cult about to perform some ritual sacrifice and a fairy godmother turning up in a helicopter in 15th-century France. Like what more do you want?! This is literally the best fairytale musical out there! Literally, the most romantic scenes are when our main characters are eating food and getting high in gorgeous fairy tale settings. The Disney live-action remakes could never be as iconic. Donkey Skin is just so visually stunning, there is not one scene where vibrant colours aren't ever-present, the costumes are so divine and the sets are just so intricate and gorgeous. I feel as if I hallucinated this film, which doesn't exactly surprise me because visually this film looks like a crazy drug trip like seriously everything from the wardrobe to the script is pretty much laced with every drug ever. There is literally one scene where the prince has a full-on conversation with a rose and all they talk about is finding love. Even though it is completely over the top it is just so beautiful, it's a movie so perfect that deep down I don't really want anyone finding out about it. But here I am, no longer able to gatekeep this movie. Even though I would never ever marry my father I really want to live in that castle! Donkey Skin is pretty much the messed up French version of Cinderella, by the end she doesn't lose her glass slipper but instead a ring that only fits her perfectly slender finger. The only way he even obtains the ring is because he asked the princess to bake him a cake...he can't be with her but at least he's getting some of her cake. The recipe song is the best song in the entire movie, she literally gets out a cookbook, duplicates herself and sings the entire recipe. Like what a girlboss! it's giving Gordon Ramsey if he could bake <3 

I have never related to a character more than I have the prince. My man sees a beautiful girl in the woods, falls in love with her straight away, tells all his homies about how much he's in love with her, then gets home and lays in bed because he's so lovesick over a person he has never spoken to, then becomes just straight delusional and astral projects to the point that in his 'dream' he sings a duet with the spirit body of the princess about the life they are going to have once they get married. Like my man's straight manifested his life. And once she finally appears at the ring-fitting ceremony, they get married instantly without knowing anything about each other at all. Like what if he sleep talks? or what if she folds the toilet paper instead of scrunching it? What if he leaves the toilet seat up? What if she sleeps wearing socks? These are serious questions you've got to ask before you decide to live the rest of your life with some random fucking stranger you literally only saw once! To be honest, though I am just as delusional as the prince, if I saw Catherine Deneuve for the first time I too would want to marry her. The inexplicable feeling in my heart when I watch a Demy film is just so unmatched! When is it my turn to live in a Demy universe? 

Bright colours, swooning songs, weird folklore and a whimsical and fantastical story are all the things I want in life. When the fairy is teaching the princess, through song, about how incest is bad and how she can't marry her own father you almost forget that the movie opens with guards painted blue and a donkey that poops jewels. Jacques Demy has me in an absolute chokehold like I eat all of that shit up! Donkey Skin is hands down one of the craziest films I've seen in a while, but it's an absolute feast for the eyes, this has got to be one of the best or if not THE best Jacques Demy film and I'm so in love with it! 

Rating: 5/5

Favourite quotes:

"Poetry deranges you, Father." 

"Fairies, like women, hold grudges." 

"We do all that is forbidden." 

"Love hides within the heart like a thief and secretly plans its downfall"